Contributed by TheVillageIdiot

Welcome back, Bourdain. We've missed you.

Last week, Anthony Bourdain returned for the fifth season of his show, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations and let me tell you. It was about damn time. I thought I'd be in rerun hell for the duration of the writers' strike.

Bourdain's sometimes puzzling, never boring and always irreverent food/travel show is a welcome treat in today's nuclear wasteland of TV programming. As a subset of food TV (Not The Food Network), Bourdain's show is even more striking when compared to other so-called "food/travel shows." Let's face it, food TV has gone down the drain: "Giada’s Weekend Getaway?" – I can’t stop looking at her forehead; "Have Fork. Will Travel?" – give me a forking break.

Part of what makes No Reservations so fun is that for an hour a week, we can all be armchair tourists. It's not a substitute for actually traveling. There is no substitute for that, but if anything Bourdain makes me want to travel more than ever. Every week, it's a poignant reminder of why I put up with all this finance crap.

In light of the new year and all that resolutions setting, I think we can take a few lessons from Bourdain's examples.

1. Go Off the Beaten Path - In some remote village in Peru – high (buzzing mildly) on coca leaves for altitude sickness – I've seen Bourdain drink fermented corn liquor that gets its start in the fermentation process by being chewed and then spit out into a giant vat of other chewed up stuff. Even if the stuff sucks, it will still be a great story.

2. Eat Anything and Lots of It - In one night, Bourdain will visit at least four or five restaurants or food stands and eat anything they shove under his nose. Any cut of meat, any kind of entrail, it's all fair game and he loves it all. Sure, different strokes for different folks, but there is a reason why we eat the stuff we do and it usually has to do with how good it tastes. If you never try it, you'll never know.

3. Don't be Afraid of Cursing - Bourdain’s always bursting to use an expletive. "Take that you vegetarian f*ckwads!" Obscenities makes any language exciting.

P.S. Did I mention he hates vegetarians?

4. Drink Anything Alcoholic and Lots of it - He spends every episode being drunk or on his way to being drunk. After most nights of taping on the show, the last shot is usually of him noticeably staggering off to this hotel room. On more than a few occasions, the footage of him the next morning waking up hungover are hilarious as well. If he is wearing the sunglasses and his voice is ten octaves deeper and scratchier, you know he's feeling like crap, but for the sake of the viewers, he is going to fake feeling okay for work. Who hasn't spent the day in the office a little hungover/drunk?

5. Smoke - Everyone knows smoking makes you look cool and no one makes it looks better than Bourdain and the flagrant disregard for his health. He makes smoking two packs a day look cool. My excuse for not smoking two packs a day? I'm not cool.

6. The Party Don't Stop For Anyone - Bombs what? Show me the next party! That's exactly what Bourdain did in Beirut while the Israelis were bombing the city. His subsequent week long sequestering at a hotel due to the bombs and subsequent rescue by U.S. Marines were a small price to pay. After all, what is life other than a series of parties until you get to that big one in the sky?

7. Laugh at yourself and others, often - Bourdain will be the first one to laugh at Bourdain. A valuable lesson really. My feeling is, if I can't laugh at myself, then I shouldn't be allowed to laugh at anyone else. Now that would be a tragedy.

8. If its Unhealthy, Eat it and Ask for Seconds - Bourdain takes almost maniac glee in rubbing his fat-oozing, grease-dripping, oil-splattered street food in front of the camera, almost as if to say, "vegetarians and health freaks, you poor, sad, little fools." I’m not saying go out and lick the first chicken cart you see, but all this guilt over unhealthy eating is stupid. Stop dieting and start exercising.

Now you know why I watch this show and so should you.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
Mondays, 10PM
The Travel Channel

The Man Himself: http://www.anthonybourdain.com/copy.asp?g=1&id=7

Bourdain's TV Blog: http://anthony-bourdain-blog.travelchannel.com/

Bourdain in Beirut: http://travel.discovery.com/tv/bourdain/journals/beirut/beirut.html

Labels: Food, ShoutsOfAdoration, Shows